From Mourning into Dancing

Hello 2013!

So another year has passed. 

I don't know what to say about 2012. So many things happened that year. I would say that it was not an easy year but one thing for sure, God never leaves me. For all that has happened, I want to thank Him, and for all that will happen I also want to thank Him. 

Honestly... 2012 was a hectic year. It was my first year to face a real life, to finally spread my wings and fly. It has always occupied my mind before that I finished uni and really spread my wings and fly high. But in reality, just like a newborn bird, it takes time to practice and really fly. A lot I fell, a lot I injured myself... lots and lots of times. 

At the very start of the year, I made my resolutions. In one of my resolutions, lay a dream that I have always dreamed. My need, my passion, one of the things that I always carry in my prayers. It has been a while since I asked for this. But I got super exhausted. I can't sleep, I can't eat and I don't have any mood to do anything. I really feel hopeless. I ran out of energy. I feel like my dreams are dragging itself away from me.

I lay on the ground like a dead person. Sadness and hopelessness have drained all my energy out. And I begin to cry. In my heart I prayed "God, I am tired. I don't know what to do anymore. I know you are a faithful God, but right now I have ran out of faith. Right now, I feel so hopeless. If you want me to wait, please just give me the energy to face this. Please spare me some hope and faith"

Out of nowhere, I decided to give. I just feel like giving. And so I did. 

I was told to attend a meeting and I really don't feel like going. I have no energy. But I feel like it is a responsibility for me to come and so I did. I look like a soul-less person. As I walked into the room, people started asking "Are you OK? What's wrong with you?". A common answer to avoid any other questions "Yes, I'm OK".

One of the leaders, who is also my mentor called me and said he wants to discuss something important with me. And we sat and talked. He wants me to be a leader for the young professional segment. The first thing that came into my mind "OH NO, another responsibility, I am not even settled with my life" but I chose to listen and say nothing. Then I told my mentor about my problem and I said "I don't know what God wants in my life. Does he want me to wait or I'm not doing things right". And we had a few minutes talk about it. 

Suddenly *BAM* just within a few minutes time, God has turned my life 180 degrees. He gave me new energy, new faith and new hopes. And I just can't believe it. It took me a while to consume everything. Cause it was SHOCKING. Only a few minutes and my life is different. Amazing! 

I am seriously ashamed of myself. I doubt God but He never fails to perform great miracles in my life. 

A place I will always call HOME

I'm happy with where I am now. I love this place, I love Sydney, I love the crowd, I love making new friends, I love the city, I love how lively this city is.

But 1 thing, I'll never let go.. is the city I was raised in. The "boring" city, the quite city, the laid back city, the city of a thousand churches, the dead city... that's what people say, that's what people have in mind when they think about Adelaide. 

For me, Adelaide is the city of nice friendly people where people (even though they're strangers) care for one another, the city of peace, the city of less judgements, the less materialistic city, the city of "i don't care what you wear, I don't care what you look like". 

At times before I sleep, I think about my pasts and most of it happened in Adelaide. 

I miss fishing or crabbing at night till dawn, although sometimes my friends and I caught nothing. I miss fishing on the edge of a big rock that we had to climb. Fishing, waiting, talking, singing, listening and telling stories, and... laughing together. Sometimes with a bottle of beer on one hand and potato chips on the other hand.

I miss laying down on fresh lawn by the beach at night on summer days, looking at the clear starry skies, counting on the shooting stars that fell from the sky. The feeling of amazement looking at nature's beauty. 

I miss my secret place, where I can watch the whole city from the top of a hill. Not too close but not too far at the same time. I miss spotting the tallest building from that place, a 30 storey building that actually looks tall, compare to others.

I miss midnight snacks... whether its AB, o'connell bakery or pancake kitchen. I just miss them all.

I miss driving up the hill just to eat a burger.

I miss... Adelaide... A place I will always call home.

Happy Recipe

I'm happier now... I got rid of that gloomy feeling I had in my heart, the emptiness...

When I was in that state where I was covered with all those ugly feelings, I talked to some friends.. and they're like "If you want to be happy, you should choose to be happy and be happy. Its a matter of choice. You're unhappy because you chose to be unhappy."

Somehow they're right but its not like I don't want to be happy, of course I want to be happy. But still it doesn't make any difference although I tried to be happy.

If you're feeling what I felt, let me share my happy recipe.

Ingredients:
Miracles
Opportunities
Blessings
Faith
Gratefulness

Methods:
1. Miracles
Believe that everything is a miracle. You're here on this Earth, is a miracle. Your abilities/talents are all miracles. Miracles that God has given to you. Waking up every morning (or afternoon for some of you) is a miracle.

2. Opportunities
Each time something (anything) happened, is an opportunity. Not just big things like when you're challenged to do something big. But every little things can possibly have big impacts. Problems are also opportunities in life (see my previous blog post). Miracles contain opportunities. When you wake up each morning, its a new opportunity for you.

3. Blessings
Some people didn't realise how much they're blessed! Miracles and opportunities are blessings. It may sounds weird, but this is a fact: the more you bless, the more blessings you get. And it doesn't have to include monetary sometimes. So, bless other people. Offer what you have to help people. Not just money but anything you can do. Like prayers. When you pray for other people, you are blessing them. Or when you give your time for others in need, you're actually blessing them. Being able to bless other people makes me happy cause it determines how blessed I am to be able to bless others. So spread the blessings!

4. Faith
Faith is a power and it a super powerful power. When you fall, have faith! When you have faith in God, you will get not just something big but you'll receive more that what you ever thought, you'll get the impossible. Cause sometimes faith doesn't make any sense which is why the result is more and more and more than the best thing you could ever think in your mind.

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:20-

Have faith in Jesus and get rid of all your disappointments. Don't let your disappointment eat your faith cause disappointment will block your way to great things (faith). Sometimes you feel empty and sad and gloomy and whatsoever, because you get disappointed with what you don't get within your expectations. 

5. Grateful
Being grateful is the happiest thing. This is the key point to happiness is gratefulness. Be grateful for each miracles, opportunities, blessing and have faith in the Lord. Be grateful for little things cause that will make you happy. 

Now, its easier for me to be happy. Little things make me happy. Because now, I often express my gratitude by saying "thank you Jesus". 

When I found the things I look for at home before I felt the house (keys, mobile phone, jacket, socks, etc) I say "thank you Jesus". When I was at the office toilet and realised that there is no toilet paper then found a roll of toilet paper behind me, I feel grateful and say "thank you Jesus". When I walked to the office yesterday, two people smiled and said "good morning", I feel grateful and say "thank you Jesus" and pray so that God bless them. Being grateful actually makes me happier in life. 

Honestly before I was so stressed because I haven't got any proper job and I've been applying here and there but all I get is rejections. And now, I'm still looking for a job and I'm stuck being a receptionist when what I want is a marketing job. But I feel grateful cause at least I got an income and I have faith that God has prepared an awesome job for me. So each morning when miracles started happening, I take the opportunities I get to apply for jobs (spare time I got at the office) and pray with faith. And so instead of stressing out, I just feel happy. 


Anyway, this is another long post. Hope you're blessed with this.

Ciao xx

The Secret to Success in Life

You see.. Im not a good blogger. I don't often update this blog.

Anyway...

I'm a "thinker".. as in I think a lot. Sometimes what I thought of is not really relevant. I like to day dream and I think nothing is impossible, there's always a possibility (even the smallest possibility can happen)... Sometimes, I think about my own life. Not everyone knows my story, even if they do, they will never know how I feel cause we're all different. What I've been through is not as simple as it looks nor as easy as what people can see.

Then, a question popped up in my head "why do I have to face never ending problems?". That question has been in my mind for so long. Whenever I finished dealing with a problem, another problem arises and sometimes I have to face few different problems all at one.

I know I'm not the only person who deals with problems. Everyone has their own problems and I can't judge other people by saying "she/he is so lucky. she/he is living a good happy life". Some... umm correction: A LOT of people (I believe) are facing greater problems compare to what I'm facing or have faced. So, I can call myself lucky. But then, facing all this is painful. It hurts so much... I feel broken.

I've been searching here and there for an answer to the big question in my life (Why do I have to face so many problems?). I'm aware that I'm not perfect. Nobody is... But I want a good problem-free life. I want to be happy.

ok.. now... enough with all the problems... moving on.. lets get to the exciting part...

THE SOLUTIONS
(I pray to God to give me the ability to bless people through this. To reach the lost ones. Let this be God speaking through me. I'm nothing but I want God to use me. Amin.)

1. Path to Success

The best way to learn is to experience. The more problems you face, the more experience. The more experience, the wiser you are. The wiser you are, the more successful you will be (in life). FYI success doesn't mean that you're rich or have everything you want in this world. Success is more of your purpose in life. It can mean happiness, or being influential to others, etc.

Problems -> Experience -> Wisdom -> Success

If you have 10 problems, you have 10 experience, 10 wisdoms and then 10 success stories. But if you have 100 problems, you have 100 experience and 100 wisdoms, then 100 success stories.

So be grateful when you have to face a lot of problems. That means you are created to be very successful in your life. However, don't face it and then throw it. You have to learn and take ACTION from what you have learned.

2. Success Breaker

Giving up is what a lot of people do when one feel like he/she have had enough. God will NEVER give you problems that you cannot face. He knows you better than you know yourself. He chose each one of us even before the world was created. He knows everything, He has planned everything!

When you give up, you are actually cutting "the path to success". In other words, you are throwing away your own success. Don't you think its a waste?! Cause you are actually destined to be big and successful and without you realising, you are you own barrier to success. Instead of climbing up, sometimes people choose to fall. By giving up (in the process), you are throwing away what was planned for you. Some of you may think "how do you know what God has planned for me? This is bullish*t! You don't even know me (that well). You don't know everything or anything!". Believe me, I know nothing about you. But I know my Father and how much He loves his children (us). Look up John 3:16.

Our Father loves each one of us so much. Love is very powerful! Love is unconditional and selfless. God's love is perfect. Which is why I strongly believe that success is ALREADY given/planned by Him for each one of us. So if you're wondering "why am I not successful now?", the answer to that is: you, yourself. You are the reason of your unsuccessful life. You chose to not take that success that God has given to you and the best success breaker in life is your decision to give up.

Use your problem to push you up to your success, don't let your problems use you and drag you down to some place where you're not meant be in (which is where you feel like you're lost and empty). You are not made to be "low" or "small"! You are made to fly mighty like an eagle, you are made to be BIG, successful, to be a head (not tail). A problem is an opportunity. Be grateful for each problems you have.

3. The ULTIMATE Solution

Last night... Just last night... 15 hours ago... I found the root of all my problems I've had in life. Just one mistake. One that affects everything in my life. One that I ignored.

and that mistake is: Lack of Intimacy with God.

When you are intimate with your Creator. You will be given so much, far greater that what you could ever imagine. You would be given, not just wisdom but also great crazy miracles and loads of happiness, even if you are in the darkest place in this world. When you're intimate with Him, you will hear His voice. Well, He won't say it human to human way by talking right in front of your face but you will hear his voice in any form of communication He chose, to communicate with you. When God say it right to you, you don't even need human wisdom. True wisdom is NOT choosing what is right in life. True wisdom is doing what God wants you to do and stay faithful to Him. Your mind is so small but your God is so big. Sometimes God asks you to do something that doesn't make any sense to you at all. But things that doesn't make any sense are great things, and will produce a far greater results than things that actually make sense.

The key to everything is God. Be intimate, seek Him and you will hear His voice. Whatever God has planned is the best for you. Your road to your purpose might be rocky but remember that He loves you, He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. And the result is more than just worth it.



May you have a blessed day!


*Credit goes to Lysia Jessica*

Lift Issues

After watching final destination- and saw a scene where a person got stuck in between the two lift doors and the lift won't automatically open as it has no sensor then it moved up and.......... yeaaa... - I became more cautious when using a lift... Since I was little... I've been having issues with lifts... as such:

When I was about 5 years old... I broke a lift in a hotel somewhere in Jakarta... It was pretty bad that they had to get it fixed by mechanics... I don't quite remember the full story... 

Then about 6 years ago... I got squeezed in between the lift doors that were closing... and at that time the lift was full of people and they all laughed at me... 

About 2 years ago... I did something stupid in one of the lifts in my uni campus when I was heading towards my class with two of my friends. We got stuck in the lift and the lift kinda dropped by half level cause we were in between two levels when the lift stopped... 

Then there are stupid times when the lift didn't move to the destined level coz I haven't pressed the button... Just like what happened today...When I was at the basement walking towards my car, I then realized that... I left my car key at home sigh... so lil sister and I went back to our apartment to get the key... Then we waited in front of the lift for like about 5 minutes... We wondered "what the heck is wrong with this lift? Why isn't it here? Why does it took this freaking long?" then we stood there and laughed... Of course... We didn't press the button... 

Just another day

This afternoon I accompanied my mother to Prince of Wales Hospital... Everything is good... I'm happy.. 

Then I had dinner with my cousin.. Not blood related.. her uncle and aunt got married to my aunt and uncle... Anyway, I met some new people and I don't remember most of their names anymore... 

Then when we were walking towards where my cousin lives... Those bunch of Indonesian people  I had dinner with bumped into another bunch of Indonesian people... And I thought I saw someone familiar within that bunch of Indonesian people... Someone I don't really want to see... But phewww... its not the one I thought it was... which is good... 

Oh yea me and my sister have been having fun at home... you should try this too! its fun...

www.karaokeparty.com 

Beware! Its ADDICTIVE... lol.. 

Its 2 am now... time to knock off... :D 

What will happen?

What will happen? What will you do?

If you came to that state in life where you don't know who you are anymore and you feel like a robot.. breathing, eating, drinking, and do other activities but you just feel empty.. Feels like you have lost your soul.

Then out of nowhere, love came and filled your life over what you could have imagined and you feel very happy until you can't feel that pain and emptiness anymore.

But then... you found out that, that love is forbidden. They're taking it away from you and say "don't, this is not for you". What will happen next? What will you do?

(Its storming outside and the weather is very gloomy.. so I'm just being dramatic and imaginative)